Journey to Cancer Diagnosis as a Young Mother

Podcast lover? You can listen to this chat here :) Dear friends,

I wish today's story time began with a happier topic. Our cancer journey unfortunately did not begin that oven-like December day from my previous post. Twenty-five months before the phone call that devastated our family, a similar call was made. This time it was my mother, not the jewel who birthed me, but the blessing I received when I married Handsome. After a few alarming symptoms, the diagnosis came it was ovarian cancer, stage four. You see she and I, had a unique bond before cancer, she stepped in and filled a gap I was unaware of. Friend, neighbor, cheerleader, therapist, mother-in-law, mother, none of those names adequately describe her.

Living on the same farm gave us an added layer to the relationship, one that carried over into her care. I had the honor and privilege to walk alongside my father-in-law as a primary caregiver during her treatment. Her battle paved the way, leading with Joy, for eighteen months. There are many things I could tell you about caring for a cancer patient that most wouldn't share. It is simultaneously the honor of a lifetime and the longest heartbreak in my experience. Medical caregiving is all-consuming. Every aspect of your life pre-diagnosis comes to a screeching halt, and most are hard to navigate back to when your job is complete. Emotions run high and wide during medical crises. I wish I could tell you differently, that cooler heads prevail, unfortunately in my first experience caring for the oxygen of our family that just isn't true. KiKi breathed life into each of the twelve members of our ecosystem. Every member brings their gifts and talents to our family, we would not be who we are without her steadfast love, and our family would not be complete without each of the twelve. Having the loving support of her while learning to be a wife and mother allowed me the privilege to repay every ounce of oxygenated love. The bond of being the daughter in love allowed me the grace and space to care for her most intimately. I was able to shield my handsome and sister in love from some of the everyday realities of this horrible disease. To know and to witness are very harsh realities, especially in the case of your loving mother. In my humble opinion, this will always be my greatest love letter to both of them.

This family saved my life in more ways than one. This honor was one I took on wholeheartedly.

My unique outlook on life began during those eighteen months. Most would say my days were filled with all things medical, learning on-the-job medical degrees so to speak, but the truth is I was learning faith, grace, and undeniable joy. Every cancer journey is different, for each family member that walks it, whether patient, caregiver, or support system, and they are all equally important. I'm certain each one of us could find a joyful memory that stands out from the rest during the journey, but they are few and far between. This is where my mantra that “I can do hard things with great Joy” unconsciously began. (More on this in my next post!) During the seven months after our final goodbyes, each of us took a piece of that love, and have carried it for the rest. Caretaking, and encouraging those are the ones I would like to believe I hold. On the seventh monthaversary, the second phone call came. Breast Cancer.

At age 31, our family once again was knocked down. Our hearts still in pieces, we had another battle ahead. Without her journey and love, I would not be able to write this today. Between my own stubborn, concise, loud personality, and the lessons learned I am able to fight. She paved the way for us to continue her legacy, and it began that afternoon. That frightful December day, I picked up the torch and promised to carry the flame. Cancer changed my life. I am forever scarred. Yet it also gave me joy. I share this because my path to joy through cancer would never make sense without the foundation. Friends if anything, I pray this post reassures your heart that the largest heartbreak can bring the greatest transformations with one simple action... I can't wait to share all the real-life examples to encourage you to find your joy right where you are.

You can hear the beginning part of the of my diagnosis and surgery plan on my first Podcast!

I would love to know your thoughts :)

Until next time,

Lillie